SEE the dog
When Rebecca (not her real name) first called me at Best Buddy Dog Training, she was overwhelmed. Her dog, Fido, had what she described as a laundry list of “bad behaviors”: jumping, nipping, chewing, house-soiling, and pulling on the leash. She wanted help—and fast.
When I eventually arrived at her home for our first training session, I didn’t rush to befriend Fido. I didn’t clap my hands, coo in a high-pitched voice, or bribe him with treats. I simply entered calmly and asseertively, stood still and quiet, and allowed him to approach me-ready to corrrect him quickly if he tried to jump on me. He sniffed my legs and shoes, and sized me up. His tail wagged, his body was relaxed, and he was curious—but peaceful. In other words, he was in exactly the mental state I wanted to see: relatively calm, alert, respectful, and engaged.
Rebecca, on the other hand, wasn’t calm. She nervously chattered in a squeaky, excited tone: “Good boy, Fido! Who’s that? It’s okay, buddy!” until I abruptly “shushed” her. To her surprise, Fido immediately became totally calm, and having all the information he needed, wandered off to lie down. Now I could focus on Rebecca.
The Real Issue: Human Anxiety
As we talked, Rebecca confessed that she lived in fear of what Fido might do—jump on guests, ruin her clothes, even bite someone. Yet the dog in front of me had just shown perfect canine manners. The real issue wasn’t Fido’s behavior—it was Rebecca’s anxiety. I asked her a simple question: “So, what do you do when Fido jumps?”
Her answer was long and nervous. She nervously talked about what other trainers had told her: turn your back, cross your arms, wait for him to sit, then give a treat. But when I repeated the question—“What do you do when he jumps?”—she suddenly realized the truth. She wasn’t doing anything consistent or effective. In fact, she had begun avoiding people altogether, even changing clothes in the garage after work before entering her own house just to keep her dog from ruining her outfit.
We both laughed at the absurdity. The calm, relaxed dog sleeping nearby was the same “problem dog” she had described. She simply wasn’t clearly seeing his behavior.
Seeing the Dog
Rebecca’s mistake was common: she was so busy trying to do the "right thing" and focused on her fears she couldn't focus on the dog as he was in the moment. Instead of calmly leading him, she was fueling his excitement with her nervous energy and behavior. Generally, she talked to Fido constantly in a nervous tone. When walking, she held a tight leash, but allowed Fido to pull her wherever he pleased. When he was off-leash, she chased him with treats, trying to get his attention. In short, she had handed over leadership to her dog. What mattered wasn’t whether Fido wanted to lick someone or jump on them or bark—it was who made the decisions that mattered. And for now, it wasn’t Rebecca.
The Training
I explained to Rebecca that my goal wasn’t just to “fix” Fido but to shift their relationship. She needed to learn how to influence her dog, rather than be influenced by him. That required a new mindset and some clear, simple rules:
- Be Silent Unless It Matters
- Nervous chatter signals insecurity. Rebecca began to speak only when she had a reason: giving affection, issuing a command, giving a verbal correction, or offering calm praise.
- Keep the Leash Loose
- A tight leash creates tension, and moving with the dog as he pulled rewarded rude and even dangerous behavior. Rebecca learned to keep the leash slack, using quick, clear snaps—not dragging or yanking—to communicate. She watched for Fido’s acknowledgment: an ear flick, a head turn, a glance, a change in behavior.
- Be Honest in Communication
- Dogs read tone, body language, and energy. Rebecca discovered that she needed a clear difference between approval and correction, without yelling, bribing, or overreacting. Affection was gentle and warm; corrections were calm but firm. Both were consistent, and both built trust. Within two hours, Rebecca began to relax. For the first time, she wasn’t micromanaging Fido or second-guessing herself—she was actually seeing the dog.
The Transformation
When I returned the following week, Rebecca was glowing with pride. “We walked past people and other dogs, and Fido just wagged his tail and stayed by my side. It was amazing!” I asked her what she did. Her answer was perfect: “I just accepted his calm behavior like it was the most natural thing in the world, and I kept walking.” She had learned a very important lessons in dog training: not everything requires a "reward" or even a reaction. Peaceful, calm behavior were simply expected and treated as "normal."
The Three Modes of Interaction
I teach every client that there are three basic ways to interact with a dog:
- Approval: Praise, affection, or reward for something asked and completed—like “sit,” “come,” or “down.”
- Acceptance: Calm acknowledgment of peaceful behavior—when the dog is simply existing politely, without needing fanfare.
- Correction: A clear signal that a behavior is not acceptable—delivered calmly, consistently, and without anger.
The Real Lesson
What Rebecca discovered—and what Fido confirmed—is that who you are to your dog is everything. There's no need to rush out for the latest gadget, offer endless chatter, or constant treats. What works is clarity and calm assertive leaadership. Rebecca learned to see her dog's behavior for what it was moment to moment, and to be fully present. She was able to release the anxious image in her head. She became the confident leader Fido needed. And in return, Fido gave her exactly what she had always wanted: respect, trust, obedience and calm companionship.
Now It's Your Turn
If you’re struggling with your dog’s behavior—whether it’s pulling on the leash, jumping on guests, or just not listening—remember Rebecca’s story. The change doesn’t start with the dog. It starts with you.
At Best Buddy Dog Training, I don’t teach gimmicks or rely on bribes. I help you build a real relationship with your dog, so you can finally relax, enjoy your walks, and trust your best buddy to be calm and reliable—even off leash. If you’re ready to see the dog in front of you, instead of the fears in your head, give me a call. Like Rebecca, you might be amazed at how simple and rewarding dog training can be when you learn to truly see the dog.
Who you are to your dog is EVERYTHING.
Shawn Hines
~ Aug 29, 2016